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Likens: Secession petitioners still hopeful, unrealistic

Staff Reporter

Published: Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Updated: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 00:11

Provided by Taylor Likens

Provided by Taylor Likens

With the election several weeks behind us, one would think that the dust had settled on the resulting rants and bitterness; one would be wrong. The tantrums continue, with the most notable/hilarious being the residents of all 50 states that have decided to take their ball and go home. is currently host to numerous petitions calling for withdrawal from the United States, and surprisingly, people are still ringing the alarm.

To put these documents into context, understand that also hosts hundreds of other adorable petitions, including a demand that all internet pornography require credit card information, one to ban the circumcision of anyone under 18, and a truly heroic cry to “Nationalize the Twinkie industry.” A serious house on serious Earth.

As one might expect, the flagship for this surge in petitions is Texas, with almost 200,000 signatures to date. But could a seceded Texas even function without America?

Perhaps. We stand a better chance than anywhere else, at least. Texas has an extensive power network, several military forts, gulf access and receives some of the least federal aid of any state. On paper, Texas secession actually starts to sound pretty good. However, this paper is then crumpled up and thrown out the window upon realizing that it is still a horrible idea, even if one assumes that politics, economics and logic actually work that way.

This is nothing if not a fantastic example of the loud minority. We see them everywhere, defining our stereotypes, dominating our media, and skewing our perceptions of one another. Despite the attention received by these petitions, very few people could actually finish reading such a proposal without a breaking into laughter.

In fact, several of these states had a popular vote in favor of Pres. Barack Obama, making a popular secession within their borders mathematically impossible. Even some citizens of Texas--who is probably contemplating having “THE STATE THAT CRIED SECESSION” sown into the state flag--can’t muster up a notable margin of support for the movement.

This irrational call to abandon ship is hardly representative of a state that many political analysts are predicting may actually become a swing state by as early as the next election. The only logical explanation is that these signatures are from the residents of other states that just got tired of hearing about Texas secession every other week.

Could Texas Secede? In theory, yes. Will we? Go unpack your things; not anytime soon.

No, we aren’t going anywhere, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I may not always be proud to claim her, but the United States of America has more good days than bad, with a history of correcting her mistakes. Unity is one of the only things that have ever worked out for us, and we’d be fools to forget that. And I mean most of what I just said.

But admittedly, I mostly just find the idea of the elderly, white Bible thumpers in Austin having unquestioned dominion over 25 million people is the sort of thing nightmares are made of.

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Morgan Mears
Fri Dec 14 2012 20:53
Mr. Ross,
I hope you aware that you can in fact be a liberal and be Christian at the same time, and how do I know this? I am in fact a Christian, and I'm a liberal as well, my political views, and my religious views are not the same thing.
Fri Nov 30 2012 12:25
Actually, although I merely made an initial comment, I did find an argument even though I didn't seek one. And you were one of the participants. And if you are going to print your own opinions in this forum, you should be willing to use this forum, rather than your private email, for others to comment on those opinions. That way the world not only gets to hear your side of the story, but others' as well.
Taylor Likens
Thu Nov 29 2012 20:23
I apologize, Mr. Ross, that you have not found the argument you were clearly looking for on this website, but I have no intention of debating my readers in such an inappropriate forum. I was merely humored your assumption that I was a liberal, and found it fitting to confront the situation in jest. Your opinions are of course welcome here, and you are encouraged to give them. My own, however, I will chose to limit to the article.
If you wish, you (and whoever else) may send any number of complaints to
Thu Nov 29 2012 13:21
Mr. Likens, facts would serve your cause much better than amateur attempts at sarcasm. Of course, when facts supporting a position do not exist, sarcasm will have to suffice. And by the way, thin skin does not wear well on someone who purports to be a journalist and who places his writings on the internet for all to see. If you want to be a writer, get used to criticism. It comes with the territory.
Taylor Likens
Wed Nov 28 2012 16:44
Mr. Ross, as an ultraliberal gay immigrant and praticing abrotion doctor I am highly offended. I will now have to donate twice as much as usual to the United Negro College Fund just to be able to look my Marx statue the eyes again when I get home. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go cash my paycheck and disperse it amongst some homeless, unemployed drug addicts.
Wed Nov 28 2012 16:30
See what I mean? You just couldn't help yourself, could you? The peace loving, open minded, inclusive liberals want no peace with white Christians, are totally closed minded to the Bible, and only want to exclude those who actually have values to stand upon.
I love it when a liberal atheist makes my point for me.
God Bless Lenin
Wed Nov 28 2012 16:24
Oh, you poor, poor, oppressed straight, white Christians.
Tue Nov 27 2012 14:58
Aaahh, at the end of the piece we finally see the reason behind the author's stand:

"But admittedly, I mostly just find the idea of the elderly, white Bible thumpers in Austin having unquestioned dominion over 25 million people is the sort of thing nightmares are made of."

It's OK for liberals to berate white Christians, but see how quickly and loudly they squeal if anyone dares speak against Socialism, the homosexual agenda, or other parts of their own views.

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