Ask Ally: How to solve problems with your male roommates
Published: Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, October 31, 2012 23:10
I live with my two best guy friends and I’m a girl. We’re all really close, but lately we’ve been spending more time apart. One of the guys doesn’t like talking and seems to be in his own little world, and it has me worried. The other ignores me most of the time. I’m stuck babysitting all the animals in our apartment, including their bird, cat and fish as well as my own kitten. How do I get my friends back and tell them I’m worried about them?
I’m sorry that you feel so alone in your own apartment, but as women we have to remember we aren’t the mom of the apartment. It is definitely in my nature to mother my roommates and sometimes even nag them a little bit. If I have learned one thing from even being on the same planet as men is that they HATE to be nagged. Once you step over the boundary of worried friend to nagging mom, you’ve lost your chances of really reaching your roommates.
Now that that’s said, don’t treat them like they are little kids either. You have no responsibility to watch THEIR animals. If they were responsible enough to get the animals, they should be responsible enough to take care of the animals. I know plenty of people who would take a cute loveable animal off his hands if he isn’t taking care of it, including myself!
If I haven’t empowered you to take over the apartment, you can try to talk to them. I’m not promising any heartfelt 80s movie moments but it is definitely worth a try. I would try to plan a low key movie night where you offer to get pizza and soda. Guys will basically do anything for food. Try to figure out the best time for all three of you. When you all get together, don’t talk about how much you miss them or ask them about their problems. Just have fun! Don’t make the situation a heavy one by begging for information. I know this is hard to handle, but if they want you to know, they will tell you.
Another idea would be to think back to when you guys were hanging out a lot. What is something you all enjoyed doing together? Go out and do it! Don’t be afraid to make plans but don’t nag them about it! Also don’t get your feelings hurt when they bail. If this happens, take the money and spend it on yourself. Every girl needs a great ‘guys suck’ pedicure!
Finally, you have to remember that you aren’t required to be best friends with your roommates. Things happen and change in our lives, and we have to adapt. Making new friends is something that we have to do for the rest of our lives. The people with you at this moment, sadly, may not be with you in 10 years. Take care of yourself and rediscover things that you love to do. Just by doing this, it may make your roommates realize why you all became friends in the first place.
Just remember, you have to make you happy. Don’t depend on anyone to make you happy because it may lead to disappointment.
*If you or someone you know is suffering from a problem, and would like some advice, you can email me ANONYMOUSLY at firstname.lastname@example.org you could see my response in the newspaper!*