Ask Ally: How to mend a friendship triangle

Dear Ally,

I have two really best friends who did not know each other until I introduced them. Now I feel like they are doing more and more things without me and not including me in anything. Do I need to get new friends or should I try to mend the relationships? How do I mend them?

Sincerely,

Withoutafriend

Dear Withoutafriend,

You deserve some credit for introducing your two friends to each other. Most times, people have two sets of social circles that they won’t mix because they don’t want their separate worlds to blend or because they are scared of being left out. You took the dive and I think you will be happy how it all turns out in the end.

First off, why can’t you do both? Find some new friends and try to mend the old. I know everyone has heard the song “Make new friends and keep the old….” Not trying to take you back to kindergarten but that song has some truth to it.

I think everyone needs to go out, experience new things and meet new people. Go to an event on campus or a sporting event. You would be surprised how nervous everyone else is to meet new people. Go up to someone new and introduce yourself. You may just be amazed how much you have in common with them, and even if you don’t, what have you got to lose? People are social creatures and everyone is looking for friendship. Step out of your comfort zone!

Now to mending your friendships with your close best friends, this may be tough. First, I think you should try to spend time with each of them separately. Enjoy each other’s company and try to not talk about the other friend while you are spending time together. Then do the same with the other friend. Because you were friends with each of them separately before they met, treat it like that. 

Why not plan hang out times? Invite both of them over for a girl’s night and watch stupid movies. It’s extremely hard to invite yourself to hang outs, but if you do the inviting then you don’t have to feel pushy!

Finally if all of this doesn’t work and they are still completely ignoring you, speak up.  Talk to them and tell them how you feel. They may not even realize what they are doing. It’s easy to ignore an old friend for new friends because of the fact that they are new. Think of it like getting a new book. You are really excited about reading the new book, but that doesn’t change how much you love your favorite book.

Just remember, do what makes you happy and friends will follow. 

Sincerely,

Ally

*If you or someone you know is suffering from a problem, and would like some advice, you can email me ANONYMOUSLY at awiley@houstonianonline.comand you could see my response in the newspaper!*