Ask Ally: How to fix your troubled relationship

Dear Ally,

My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot. I think it might be because we spend so much time together and we get on each other’s nerves. He can be pretty immature and rude at times, and I cannot help but get angry because he’s so embarrassing to be around. Ally, what can we do to fix our relationship and stop fighting so much? I just want us to be back to normal.

Sincerely,

Love bird

Dear Love bird,

A very wise person in my life once asked me, “Can you see your life without this person (your boyfriend)?”  If the answer is no, then you should definitely fight for your relationship. If yes, then you may want to reevaluate what you are getting out of the relationship. If you’re not happy, it isn’t worth it.

Let’s assume that you cannot picture a day without your boyfriend around. First, I would say step away from his hip then go out and do something for you!  A great relationship is two separate lives coming together and sharing them with each other. If you give up everything you find interesting to spend time with him, you are cheating yourself and causing problems in the long run.  If you love to shop and he absolutely hates it, don’t drag him along every time. Go out and shop by yourself or with your girlfriends. Then let him do his thing, like playing video games or watch TV. 

I remember back at home, I fought with my siblings constantly because we were together every day. It can apply to a relationship as well. Step away for a weekend. Let yourself breathe. Let him breathe.

Usually when you get into a long-term relationship, you drift away from some of your closest friends. If I had any advice for you, I would suggest calling these friends up. Spend some time with people who you are comfortable being around.  They can help you get your mind off of the situation and you can enjoy time with different people.

If you are getting on each other’s nerves, it may have something to do with stress.  Everyone handles college stress differently.  Some people bicker with loved ones because they know they won’t leave.  If your man is extremely stressed, let him cool down and try to understand what he's going through.

However, if he is truly getting on your nerves, you may want to talk to him about it. Ask him what he is going through but don’t confront him aggressively. Just casually bring it up and ask him without accusing him of something; guys usually don’t take that very well. Also, if he is being rude to you and hurts your feelings, he needs to be made aware of it. He may not realize what he is doing. If he loves you, he will understand.

Finally, from someone going through a break up right now, if this is what you want then fight for it. If you are hesitant, it may be time to take a break.

Make yourself happy because you deserve nothing less than to be happy.

Sincerely,

Ally

*If you or someone you know is suffering from a problem, and would like some advice, you can email me ANONYMOUSLY at awiley@houstonianonline.comand you could see my response in the newspaper!*