Spring Break
Willing to sell my soul for gas money now
Some would rather be burned alive by the fuel than buy it
Shawn Farrell
Issue date: 9/6/05 Section: Viewpoints
It's never too early to ponder what Halloween costume your choosing this holiday. As for me, I'm going trick or treating (yes, I still do) while dressed as my last gas station receipt. When Huntsville sees just how bad Lady Luck has sexually violated my college fund, citizens will have no choice but to fork over the Reese's, some stock options and maybe their own daughters out of pure pity for me.
Let's face the facts guys. Buying a car with over six cylinders may have been the single dumbest feat we've ever achieved. I wasn't aware that the numbers on the gas pump could move around that fast. For the first time in nearly five years, many of us are in complete agreement; those ugly Japanese hybrid cars are starting to look pretty good.
Gas prices have taken a near $.40 price hike around here after Katrina turned the Gulf Coast into a wasteland. In some areas of the U.S., people are paying nearly $6 a gallon of regular gas. That's four tacos at Jack-in-the-Box, a few bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 and then a belt so you can hit yourself for drinking the Mad Dog 20/20.
President Bush has assessed the situation and informed Americans that things will be mended, but until then, don't drive unless you have to. I love the man dearly, but he must have forgotten what country he's heading up. I've seen people go out of their way to drive up a hill just so they feel like they're in a plane. This is the laziest and most impatient country on the planet. We honk incessantly at school buses for impaired children just because they max out at 55 mph and we're in a hurry to buy a Pez dispenser at Wal-Mart.
I hate to be the pessimist, but our days of random road trips and cruising around for the heck of it, seem to be numbered. Last night I was awoken to the sound of my Wells Fargo Card squeezing through the bathroom door and trying to drown itself in my commode. I talked him out of it, we hugged, got emotional, I scratched his back and then we went back to bed.
Next time I'm afraid he'll find a way to flush the dang thing. Keep an eye on your credit cards, avert your ears to Kanye West's opinions and watch the road when coming back from Wal-Mart.
You can get killed trying to work those Pez dispensers.
Let's face the facts guys. Buying a car with over six cylinders may have been the single dumbest feat we've ever achieved. I wasn't aware that the numbers on the gas pump could move around that fast. For the first time in nearly five years, many of us are in complete agreement; those ugly Japanese hybrid cars are starting to look pretty good.
Gas prices have taken a near $.40 price hike around here after Katrina turned the Gulf Coast into a wasteland. In some areas of the U.S., people are paying nearly $6 a gallon of regular gas. That's four tacos at Jack-in-the-Box, a few bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 and then a belt so you can hit yourself for drinking the Mad Dog 20/20.
President Bush has assessed the situation and informed Americans that things will be mended, but until then, don't drive unless you have to. I love the man dearly, but he must have forgotten what country he's heading up. I've seen people go out of their way to drive up a hill just so they feel like they're in a plane. This is the laziest and most impatient country on the planet. We honk incessantly at school buses for impaired children just because they max out at 55 mph and we're in a hurry to buy a Pez dispenser at Wal-Mart.
I hate to be the pessimist, but our days of random road trips and cruising around for the heck of it, seem to be numbered. Last night I was awoken to the sound of my Wells Fargo Card squeezing through the bathroom door and trying to drown itself in my commode. I talked him out of it, we hugged, got emotional, I scratched his back and then we went back to bed.
Next time I'm afraid he'll find a way to flush the dang thing. Keep an eye on your credit cards, avert your ears to Kanye West's opinions and watch the road when coming back from Wal-Mart.
You can get killed trying to work those Pez dispensers.